Random Thought on Time

As I noticed my 45 minute gap between calls evaporate (brief check of email – oops!), it occurred to me – time flies whether or not you’re having fun – so you might as well have fun!

Cell Phone Novels

This is for all of us who have great excuses for not writing. Young women in Japan are avid followers of the work of a 21-year-old woman named Rin.

A fluke? Passing fad? Not according to the New York Times:

last month, the year-end best-seller tally showed that cellphone novels, republished in book form, have not only infiltrated the mainstream but have come to dominate it.

After cellphone readers voted [Rin's] novel No. 1 in one ranking, her story of the tragic love between two childhood friends was turned into a 142-page hardcover book last year. It sold 400,000 copies and became the No. 5 best-selling novel of 2007, according to a closely watched list by Tohan, a major book distributor.

So, that novel is not out of reach after all, is it? Text messages to yourself. Carry a recorder. Carry a pad. Use your Blackberry.

How do you finish a report, a novel, a personal development book? As Anne Lamott says, Bird by Bird.

Analysis Paralysis

I have a colleague who is in the analysis paralysis stage of her dissertation. What an excruciating place this is! Should I use this information? That information? Is this important? Will that impress the reader? All this data is wonderful. All of this truly sucks and I’m the worst researcher on the face of the earth.

This particular dilemma is not restricted to graduate students, however. How often does it creep into the rest of our lives? We tend to have these images of what others think of us – and of the standards they hold us to. And these images and standards may bear absolutely no relationship to reality. No, you say, not me! Really? How often have you gone back to change your clothes before going out? How often do you second guess someone’s reaction without even giving them a chance to voice an opinion?

Not too long ago, I made a chocolate pecan pie for a family gathering. Now, in my family, I’ve long been known as the Chocolate Queen. Every Christmas there’s a crowd clamoring for my truffles. Recently, one of my cousins, the Cake Decorating King, decided to move into truffle territory and even sent me a sample of his wares (his are prettier, but I think that mine taste better). So, now there’s a competition in my head. I must excell! So, of course, when the crust on my first pie is a tad too brown for my taste, I need to start all over and make a second pie. Everyone loved it. When I appeared with the reject pie a couple of days later, they loved that one too – taste trumps appearance, after all.

I try – and do not always succeed – to check on my reference group before I rush to an analysis that will burn that huge L for loser on my forehead. My cooking peers are my friends and family (when I’m rational) – not Julia Childs and Martha Stewart (although I’ll maintain I’m better than Rachael Ray – just not as rich). No, I’m not Martha Beck or Rhonda Britten – but I’m a good coach and have the testimonials to remind myself. And I’m certified. And accepted and liked by my peers.

And on and on and on. We tend to look up, perhaps more often than around. Some of us tend to feel like an imposter or fraud within our peer group. I’m the one they accepted so that everyone would have someone to look smarter than. If they only knew ….

The Perfect Coach within me says, "Just stop that! You’re perfect just the way you are! Meditate- go to the gap between your thoughts and feel your greatness. Do your affirmations. Read that Deepest Fear quote again." And the Other Me says, "Oh, shut up!" When I get into this place, sometimes I need to look around and see just how far up this particular hill I’ve climbed. What are the landmarks? What are my reference points? And I remember a conversation I once had with one of my heros. Here they (grammatically incorrect attempt to avoid gendr reference) are – internationally renowned, author of many books, sought-after speaker – saying to me, "I feel like such a a fraud. What could I possibly have to say to these people?" So I am reminded that this analysis paralysis this inappropriate comparison, this inner naysayer, visits anyone and everyone.

How do we prevent this analysis paralysis? The most imprtant answer is to do the inner work that gets us all to that place of acceptance of who we are.

In the meanwhile, why not look at the company you keep?

No, they didn’t include you out of pity! Have a good, life-affirming conversation with a buddy.

List and review your accomplishments.

Go for a long walk.

Do something for someone else.

Watch Bridget Jones again. Thank you, Mark Darcy. (And, by extension, Jane Austen)

Yes, it’s true – you are perfect just the way you are.