Change, Chaos and Waiting

The painters have been here for two weeks now and I’m losing my mind. My keys. My shoes. Papers. Bills. You name it – it’s hiding.

My bedroom had been replastered and is now a beautiful pale blue with white trim and a white ceiling. It is also packed with objects that should live in the foyer and back hall and living room. I’m navigating a narrow path that allows access to the top drawers of my (new!!!) bureau, my bed, and, with just a little stretching, the alarm clock. My bed will need a small repair – cracked due to improper moving – that will have to wait until I can actually move around the room.

Bathroom work has taken almost two weeks, partially because of the mess it was, partially because the Super and his brother have other work to do. Their careful, tedious efforts with solvent and razor knives have revealed the original white Subway tiles hidden under ugly navy blue paint. They have added additional tile in the shower, repaired an electrical problem and removed the old floor. And painted. What they have done is lovely.

What’s still to be done is making me insane. I want my sink back!!! Until they retile the floor (Monday, I hope) they can’t install the new sink and vanity. I want my sink back!!! I’m washing in the kitchen sink. Showering in friends’ apartments. I want my sink back!!

Perhaps the living room will get painted next week. Perhaps the kitchen – another huge job, with new sub-floor and floor plus painting – will be done by the week after. Only then can I begin installing the new bookcases and kitchen table and storage units.

Oh, it’s going to be beautiful! Someday.

Meanwhile, chaos in the apartment is spreading to my brain. I need to keep packing things up so the last two rooms can get worked on, but I don’t want to. I need to throw more things out.

Here’s what I want to do – run away from home.

 We decide that we want change in our lives and forget how much work this might be. It takes longer than we want. It involves more hard work than we want. It moves from challenge and fun to slogging and depressing.

Is this true for you? It’s more true for me, right now, than I would like it to be. I’m working hard at not working hard right now. I’m taking great pleasure in the small things that are done. I’m envisioning what it will look like when everything is back in place. And planning a party. And meditating. And turning the process into a series of short games. 

Today, I’m having a party in my head. In December, I’m having one heck of a bash in my apartment!